Difficult periods in life often become turning points for friendships, revealing whether the bond will endure long after the crisis has passed. Psychologist and relationship expert Marisa G. Franco, writing for CNBC, explains that genuine support is vital, yet many people are unsure what to say or do.
She notes that well-meant phrases can sometimes deepen a friend’s pain instead of easing it. Rather than relying on clichés or rushing to fix the situation, Franco urges people to focus on presence, validation and practical help tailored to what the grieving person actually needs.
Let emotions flow without pressure
Research on grief shows that simple, compassionate presence can be more healing than any comforting speech. One mourner recalled a nurse who simply hugged them and allowed them to cry, without saying anything like “don’t cry,” and that quiet acceptance was what truly helped.
To support a friend in deep sorrow, Franco suggests inviting them to share their feelings in whatever form they naturally take. If they cry, instead of urging them to be strong, you might say, “I’m proud of you for letting your emotions out,” and signal that their tears are safe with you.
Avoid demands to be strong
According to Franco, telling someone they “must be strong” dismisses their vulnerability in that moment and subtly implies they should keep suppressing pain in the future. Such messages can make people feel ashamed of natural grief or anxiety, driving emotions underground.
She recommends offering clear emotional validation instead. Phrases such as “However you feel right now is okay” or “Of course you feel this way” normalize intense reactions and reassure your friend that their distress is an understandable response, not a personal failure.
Offer concrete, practical help
The psychologist warns that promising “If you need anything, just ask” is often ineffective because people in crisis rarely know what to request and may doubt you truly mean it. Faced with that uncertainty, they usually do not reach out, even when they desperately need assistance.
Franco advises asking directly if you can take on specific tasks, such as bringing groceries, doing laundry or looking after children for a few hours. Studies on bereavement suggest that in the early stages, help with everyday responsibilities is often the most valuable support people receive.
Respect the time healing takes
There is no fixed deadline by which a person is supposed to feel better after a loss or major shock. A review of scientific studies found that around 11% of people remain in a chronic state of stress after traumatic events, while about 9–12% initially appear fine but deteriorate later.
Franco emphasizes that you should not judge how long your friend takes to recover. Instead, signal that the length of their healing process is neutral, not a moral test. You might say, “It is okay to feel bad for as long as you need to, and I will still be here.”
Silence can deepen isolation
In her clinical experience, Franco calls complete avoidance the worst possible reaction. Many people in crisis report that others stop answering calls, cross the street to avoid them or abruptly withdraw, which intensifies feelings of rejection and loneliness.
This social retreat can cause sufferers to hide their emotions out of fear of being abandoned, worsening their sense of isolation. Instead, the psychologist suggests sending a simple message, such as “You came to mind and I wondered how you are today,” to show ongoing care.
Franco and other experts also explore how emotional insight can transform other areas of relationships. For instance, successful reconciliation with an ex-partner is more realistic when both sides have addressed past patterns, and forming new friendships often starts with asking deeper questions that move beyond small talk.
Across these situations, the core principle remains the same: real support is less about perfect words and more about honest presence, validation and small, tangible actions. By approaching a struggling friend with steadiness and humility, you help create the conditions in which genuine healing can unfold.
