Nearly a decade ago, American writer Ashlyn Oswalt made a life-changing decision. After falling in love with the man she believed was her ideal partner, she left her hometown of Chicago and moved to New Zealand. Today, she says she has no regrets about the move, but admits that experience has taught her valuable lessons she wishes she had known beforehand.
Writing for Business Insider, Oswalt shared seven pieces of advice for anyone considering relocating abroad for love. Her story highlights the emotional realities, practical challenges, and gradual process of creating a new life in a foreign country. She believes that thoughtful preparation can make the transition significantly smoother.
Learn About Your New Home Before You Move
Oswalt admits that she knew very little about New Zealand before relocating. She intentionally avoided researching the country because she worried she might discover something that would make her question her decision. Instead, arriving without preparation left her feeling overwhelmed and disconnected.
She now recommends treating an international move as carefully as any major life project. Learning about the local culture, neighborhoods, transportation, healthcare system, and everyday customs before arriving can reduce uncertainty and make the first weeks feel exciting rather than intimidating.
Make Time to Explore Before Settling Into Routine
Soon after arriving, Oswalt and her partner became consumed by practical responsibilities. Finding work, buying a car, and organizing their household quickly replaced the excitement of starting a new life.
Looking back, she wishes they had spent their first days simply exploring. Visiting local attractions, taking short road trips, and walking around the city would have helped her build positive emotional connections with her new surroundings before everyday responsibilities took over.
Build Your Own Professional Network
Because she initially worked remotely for a US company, Oswalt saw little reason to connect with professionals in New Zealand. That changed a year later when she needed a new job and realized she had almost no understanding of the local job market or professional community.
She now encourages newcomers to attend networking events, industry conferences, and local meetups from the beginning. Even if remote work seems secure, developing professional contacts provides valuable insight into local workplace culture, salary expectations, and future career opportunities.
Create Friendships Independent of Your Partner
One of Oswalt’s biggest mistakes was relying almost entirely on her partner’s friends. Although this helped her settle in quickly, she eventually realized she lacked friendships that belonged solely to her.
She recommends joining sports clubs, hobby groups, volunteer organizations, or community events. Building an independent social network creates a stronger sense of belonging, reduces emotional dependence on a partner, and makes adapting to a new country much easier.
She also believes structured activities such as language classes, creative workshops, or fitness programs can be especially helpful during the first months after moving. Regular interaction with local people naturally builds confidence and familiarity.
Embrace Local Culture
For Oswalt, rugby became one of the strongest connections to New Zealand. At first she knew little about the sport, but attending matches and supporting local teams gradually helped her feel like part of the community rather than an outsider.
Participating in local traditions, festivals, sporting events, and cultural celebrations offers opportunities to understand how people live and connect. These shared experiences often become the foundation for lasting friendships and a genuine sense of belonging.
Homesickness and Happiness Can Exist Together
Perhaps the most important lesson she learned was that missing home does not mean a move was a mistake. During her first years abroad, she often hid her homesickness because she feared it would be interpreted as regret about relocating or dissatisfaction with her relationship.
Eventually, she realized that both emotions can exist simultaneously. Someone can genuinely love their new country, enjoy their career, and build a happy family while still missing the people and places they grew up with. Accepting these mixed emotions makes adapting far healthier than trying to suppress them.
Strong Relationships Still Require Work
Oswalt’s experience also reflects a broader truth about relationships. Love alone is rarely enough to sustain a partnership through major life changes such as immigration, cultural adjustment, and distance from family.
Relationship experts consistently point to two essential skills: honest communication and active listening. Couples who openly discuss expectations, fears, and emotional needs are generally better equipped to overcome the challenges that accompany relocation and major life transitions.
Today, Oswalt has built a successful life in New Zealand, where she has established a career, developed close friendships, and started a family. She says she would make the same decision again, but believes her seven lessons can help others avoid many of the difficulties she faced. Her story serves as a reminder that moving abroad for love requires not only courage, but also careful planning, emotional resilience, and a willingness to build a life that belongs to both partners.
