People with a hostile, competitive form of narcissism appear more likely to secure a second date, according to new research published in the Journal of Personality. The study suggests that early dating environments may reward antagonistic traits while disadvantaging people who display more vulnerable forms of narcissism.
Popular culture often portrays narcissists as charming and highly successful in romance. Earlier research generally supported this view but typically treated narcissism as a single personality trait. Modern psychology, however, recognizes narcissism as a multidimensional construct, with distinct traits that can influence romantic outcomes in very different ways.
Different Faces Of Narcissism
Researchers typically distinguish between grandiose and vulnerable narcissism. Vulnerable narcissism is characterized by low self-esteem, hypersensitivity to criticism, and persistent feelings of shame, insecurity, or anger. Grandiose narcissism, by contrast, involves exaggerated self-importance, confidence, and a strong belief in one’s superiority.
In recent years, researchers have further divided grandiose narcissism into two subtypes: admiration and rivalry. Admiration focuses on charm, self-promotion, and a constant desire for praise and recognition. Rivalry is more defensive and antagonistic, characterized by competitiveness, hostility, and a tendency to put others down.
Lead author Braden T. Hall of The University of Alabama, together with William Hart and Joshua T. Lambert, sought to examine how these three dimensions influence first impressions in real-life dating situations. They wanted to determine whether specific narcissistic traits help or hinder romantic success during face-to-face encounters.
Inside The Speed-Dating Experiment
The researchers organized eight heterosexual speed-dating events involving 129 undergraduate students in the United States. Before participating, attendees completed personality questionnaires assessing admiration, rivalry, and vulnerable narcissism, along with several other personality characteristics.
During the events, participants engaged in a series of three-minute dates. After each interaction, they rated their partner on five key qualities: physical attractiveness, intelligence, humor, ambition, and kindness. These traits are commonly identified in evolutionary psychology as important components of romantic appeal.
Participants were also asked the crucial question of whether they would like to see that person again for a longer, traditional date. This allowed researchers to examine actual dating decisions rather than relying on hypothetical scenarios or general impressions.
Rivalrous Traits And Dating Success
Overall, the results confirmed familiar patterns of attraction. People perceived as more attractive, intelligent, humorous, ambitious, or kind received more requests for second dates. Intelligence and ambition were particularly important when women evaluated male partners, consistent with previous findings on mate preferences.
When the researchers examined narcissism scores, however, a more surprising pattern emerged. Individuals higher in rivalrous narcissism received more second-date requests than their peers, despite the fact that this trait is often associated with interpersonal conflict and poorer long-term relationship outcomes.
Participants high in rivalry were not consistently rated as more attractive or kinder than others, yet they still generated greater romantic interest. The authors suggest that highly competitive individuals may perform particularly well in the comparison-driven environment of speed dating, subtly elevating themselves while making others appear less desirable.
Another possible explanation is the short-term appeal of an edgy or rebellious personality. During a brief interaction, the more problematic aspects of rivalry and hostility may remain hidden, while confidence, boldness, and a willingness to challenge social norms can appear exciting or intriguing.
Why Admirative And Vulnerable Types Struggle
Admiration, often associated with charisma and social confidence, did not translate into greater dating success. Men high in admiration showed no clear advantage, while women who scored highly on this trait actually received fewer second-date requests from male participants.
The researchers suggest that highly admirative individuals may come across as boastful, self-focused, or emotionally distant. Potential partners may interpret these behaviors as arrogance or assume that such individuals are unlikely to reciprocate genuine interest.
Vulnerable narcissism was associated with the poorest dating outcomes. Participants scoring high on this dimension received significantly fewer second-date requests and were generally rated as less physically attractive and less humorous.
Vulnerable narcissism is closely linked to anxiety, depression, and self-defeating forms of humor. These difficulties may emerge subtly even during short conversations. Nervousness, guarded body language, and difficulty engaging in lighthearted interaction may all reduce perceived attractiveness and likability.
What This Means For Dating Dynamics
The study also found that participants who expressed interest in nearly everyone they met were less likely to receive positive responses themselves. The researchers suggest that low selectivity may be interpreted as desperation, reducing a person’s appeal in the eyes of potential partners.
Hall and his colleagues caution that the findings are limited by the three-minute speed-dating format and the college-aged sample. Antagonistic narcissists may be particularly effective at creating favorable first impressions, but previous research consistently links these traits to unstable, conflict-ridden relationships over time.
The participants also did not represent the extreme end of the narcissism spectrum. In real-world relationships, partners of highly antagonistic narcissists frequently report emotional manipulation, psychological abuse, and rapid declines in relationship satisfaction—patterns that are unlikely to emerge during a brief speed-dating encounter.
Future research could follow couples beyond their first meeting to examine when the apparent appeal of rivalrous narcissism begins to fade. The authors also suggest incorporating evaluations from friends and romantic partners, alongside self-reports, to provide a more complete picture of how narcissistic traits influence everyday relationships.
Despite its limitations, the study highlights a striking paradox of modern dating: the traits that help some people stand out and secure a second date may be the very same traits that later undermine trust, intimacy, and long-term relationship satisfaction.
