More than 40% of U.S. teenagers report persistent feelings of sadness or hopelessness, and mental health experts warn that the crisis continues to deepen. Child psychologist Kenneth Barish believes one often-overlooked protective factor may be hiding in plain sight: emotionally available, involved grandparents.
Barish, a Clinical Professor of Psychology at Weill Cornell Medicine and a Fellow of the American Psychological Association, says modern families are often raising children with less support from extended family members than ever before. He believes this erosion of intergenerational connections has quietly weakened children’s resilience and sense of belonging.
In his new book, The Art and Science of Parenting and Grandparenting, Barish draws on four decades of clinical experience, as well as research in neuroscience and child development. He argues that grandparents can play a vital role in easing pressures on parents while providing children with a deeper source of emotional security.
The Value of Purpose and Connection
Barish links today’s mental health challenges partly to a culture that prioritizes individual achievement over community and care. He argues that an intense focus on success, particularly in affluent communities, has contributed to rising levels of anxiety, depression, and burnout among young people.
He maintains that children need a strong sense of purpose that extends beyond grades, rankings, or future earnings. When success is defined solely by personal accomplishment, motivation can become fragile, while emotional burdens such as stress and self-doubt grow heavier.
Psychological research supports the idea that contributing to others can help buffer these pressures. Studies reviewed by psychologist Jane Piliavin have linked helping behaviors to higher self-esteem, lower rates of depression, reduced school dropout risk, stronger immune function, and even longer life expectancy.
To foster this sense of purpose, Barish encourages families to create routines centered on kindness and service. He recommends volunteering together and having regular conversations about empathy, caring for others, and understanding different perspectives, beginning in early childhood.
According to Barish, these conversations are not optional extras but core parenting responsibilities, comparable to monitoring schoolwork. He believes they help children see themselves as valued members of a community and give their daily efforts a deeper sense of meaning.
Grandparents as Emotional Anchors
In Barish’s view, grandparents provide far more than childcare and practical support. He describes their emotional presence as a collection of small but meaningful acts of listening, encouragement, and shared enjoyment that strengthen what he calls children’s “emotional immune systems.”
He argues that one of the strongest protections against stress is a child’s confidence that someone will listen and genuinely try to understand. When a grandparent consistently offers that kind of attention, it can help children feel less alone with their worries, frustrations, and fears.
Barish says children especially benefit from adults who demonstrate that problems can be solved, relationships can be repaired, and painful emotions do not last forever. Grandparents, who often bring a broader perspective shaped by life experience, can model this outlook through everyday conversations.
The psychologist also highlights the importance of play and shared enjoyment between generations. Pursuing hobbies together, showing genuine enthusiasm for a child’s interests, and celebrating small efforts can all strengthen resilience and deepen family bonds.
Emerging research supports these ideas. Longitudinal studies have found that close relationships with grandparents are associated with fewer depressive symptoms in grandchildren, particularly during periods of family stress such as divorce or financial hardship.
Rethinking Criticism and Praise
One of the most common patterns Barish observes in families is not a lack of discipline but an excess of criticism. He notes that adults often underestimate how deeply repeated criticism can undermine children’s confidence, motivation, and trust.
In his clinical work, Barish has found that frequent negative comments rarely inspire children to work harder. Instead, they tend to fuel resentment, defiance, and avoidance, weakening the very initiative that parents and grandparents hope to encourage.
At the same time, he cautions that praise should be used thoughtfully. Drawing on psychologist Carol Dweck’s research on growth mindsets, Barish recommends praising effort, strategies, and learning rather than fixed traits such as intelligence or talent.
He encourages adults to emphasize persistence and curiosity rather than focusing exclusively on grades or test scores. This approach helps children view challenges as opportunities for growth instead of threats to their self-worth.
Conversations That Build Resilience
Barish acknowledges that raising children and teenagers often involves conflict and difficult behavior. In his book, he outlines principles designed to encourage cooperation, many of which center on how adults communicate with children rather than simply talking at them.
He advocates collaborative problem-solving, in which children are invited to help think through solutions to recurring challenges. According to Barish, this approach gives children a greater sense of agency and reduces the power struggles that can dominate family life.
Barish also recommends giving children opportunities to recover and learn from mistakes rather than relying on harsh or frequent punishment. He believes that learning how to repair missteps builds responsibility more effectively than fear of consequences alone.
Ultimately, Barish concludes that helping children and grandchildren thrive has less to do with perfect parenting techniques and more to do with steady, respectful communication. Emotional strength, he argues, develops when children feel heard, valued, and capable of coping with difficult emotions.
When grandparents join parents in this effort, they can help children recover more quickly from setbacks, show greater kindness toward others, and pursue their interests with more enthusiasm and purpose. In an era of rising youth distress, Barish sees intergenerational connection as both a timeless resource and a modern necessity.
