Being ignored for a smartphone can hurt, but new research suggests it is especially painful for people with anxious attachment styles. A daily diary study has found that anxiously attached partners feel more depressed and less confident on days when they believe they have been phubbed.
Phubbing, a blend of the words phone and snubbing, describes paying attention to a mobile device instead of the person you are with. It can happen during conversations, dinners or shared downtime, often leaving the other person feeling sidelined, dismissed or less valued.
How The Study Was Designed
The research, published in the Journal of Personality, followed 196 adults living with their romantic partners. Participants, whose average age was 36, completed brief online surveys each day for 10 days about their mood, relationship experiences and phone-related interactions.
All volunteers had been in relationships for at least six months and were recruited through social media, online forums and word of mouth. Most participants were women and identified as heterosexual, and just over half were employed full time.
At the start of the study, researchers measured attachment anxiety and attachment avoidance using the ECR-12 questionnaire. Each daily diary then assessed perceived partner phubbing, relationship satisfaction, anger, self-esteem, anxious or depressed mood and any retaliatory phone use.
Attachment Style And Emotional Impact
Across the full sample, days with higher levels of perceived partner phubbing were associated with lower relationship satisfaction and increased anxious mood and anger. However, when attachment style was taken into account, a more nuanced picture emerged.
People high in attachment anxiety felt more depressed and reported lower self-esteem on days when they believed their partner had phubbed them more than usual. Surprisingly, their overall daily relationship satisfaction did not significantly change alongside fluctuations in phubbing.
These anxiously attached participants were also more likely to experience resentment and curiosity about why their partner was focused on the phone. They often responded by picking up their own device, sometimes to seek emotional support or validation from other people.
Retaliation And Conflict Patterns
The study found that many participants responded to perceived phubbing by using their own phones while in their partner’s presence. Reasons ranged from boredom to a desire to get back at the partner or to connect with people outside the relationship.
Attachment patterns influenced these motivations. Those higher in attachment anxiety were more likely to retaliate in order to seek both support and approval, while individuals high in attachment avoidance mainly pursued approval rather than emotional comfort.
An interesting twist emerged among highly avoidant individuals, who reported lower levels of conflict on days when they perceived more phubbing. Researchers suggest that people who value emotional distance may be less distressed by divided attention or may be more likely to disengage rather than confront the issue directly.
What The Findings Suggest
The authors argue that phubbing is not merely a minor annoyance but a behavior that can interact with deep-seated attachment insecurities. For anxiously attached partners, feeling ignored by a phone appears to amplify existing fears of rejection and not being loved enough.
Over time, this pattern could contribute to mood problems and cycles of retaliatory phone use that gradually erode face-to-face connection. In contrast, avoidantly attached partners may protect themselves by minimizing conflict or withdrawing emotionally, even when phubbing occurs.
The study relied on self-reported perceptions of phubbing rather than direct observation, meaning it cannot determine exactly how often phones were used or what participants were doing on them. Still, the daily diary design provides a detailed snapshot of how small, everyday phone habits can influence emotions and relationship experiences.
Researchers also note that the largely female and heterosexual sample limits how broadly the findings can be generalized. Future studies could include more diverse couples and use behavioral tracking or video recordings to capture phone use during interactions more objectively.
Despite these limitations, the results add to growing evidence that smartphone habits have become a central part of relationship dynamics. The authors suggest that couples may benefit from openly discussing phone boundaries, particularly when one partner is prone to anxiety about closeness, attention and rejection.
