Honesty is widely viewed as a cornerstone of healthy romantic relationships, but new research suggests that people who feel less satisfied with their partner may be more open to hearing lies. A study of adults in Poland found that those in strained relationships were somewhat more likely to prefer both prosocial and self-serving deception.
The research, published in The Journal of Social Psychology, examined how relationship satisfaction and emotional resilience shape people’s preferences for hearing lies from a romantic partner. It also explored how individuals perceive the potential harm of blunt honesty. The findings highlight a subtle trade-off between truth, kindness, and emotional protection.
Prosocial lies and relationship dynamics
Prosocial lies are untruths told with the intention of helping or protecting another person, such as sparing a partner’s feelings about their appearance or performance. These lies are often judged less harshly than egoistic lies, which primarily serve the liar’s own interests. In romantic relationships, prosocial lies can support positive illusions and preserve harmony.
Psychological research has long shown that mildly idealized views of a partner or relationship can bolster satisfaction and commitment. Such beliefs may promote optimism and reduce conflict, especially when they help partners feel secure and valued. However, they also introduce tension with values of authenticity and open communication.
Emotional resilience, defined as the ability to recover and adapt after stress, may shape how people respond to difficult truths. Less resilient individuals can find blunt negative feedback harder to absorb, potentially making gentle distortions more appealing. The new study sought to understand how this resilience interacts with relationship satisfaction and preferences around deception.
How the study was conducted
The study involved 672 adults in Poland who had been in a romantic relationship for at least one year. The sample was evenly split by gender, and the average age was 46. Participants were recruited through a research panel and received points redeemable for small goods in exchange for their time.
Each participant read six short scenarios describing everyday situations with their partner, such as feedback about appearance or social behavior. In three scenarios, the partner could choose between an egoistic lie and the truth, and in the other three, between a prosocial lie and the truth. Participants indicated which response they would rather hear.
After evaluating the scenarios, participants completed established psychological scales measuring relationship satisfaction, emotional resilience, and closeness to their partner. They also rated how important truth is to them, how harmful they believe blunt honesty can be in relationships, their tendency to avoid conflict, and their own likelihood of telling prosocial lies.
Key findings on lies and satisfaction
Overall, participants preferred prosocial lies more than egoistic lies, suggesting most people are more comfortable with deception that appears caring rather than self-serving. However, the preference for any kind of lie was linked to lower relationship satisfaction. Those who were less satisfied tended to favor both prosocial and egoistic lies more than highly satisfied individuals.
Participants who preferred lies also tended to see blatant truth as more damaging to their relationship. They were more likely to believe that direct, unvarnished honesty could hurt their bond or partner. These individuals reported a greater willingness to tell prosocial lies themselves and expressed a lower preference for hearing the truth.
A stronger preference for egoistic lies was associated with feeling less close to one’s partner. This suggests that when emotional intimacy is weaker, people may be more accepting of self-serving dishonesty, or may expect it from their partner. Satisfied couples, by contrast, appeared to view lies of any kind as less desirable.
The role of resilience in handling truth
The researchers tested a model in which low relationship satisfaction leads people to see blunt truths as more harmful, which in turn increases their preference for hearing prosocial lies. The data supported this pathway, indicating that dissatisfaction can make people more wary of honesty and more open to gentle deception.
Interestingly, emotional resilience altered how strongly dissatisfaction was tied to fears about the harm of truth. Among people with high resilience, the link between low satisfaction and perceiving blunt truth as harmful was stronger than among those with low resilience. This suggests that resilient individuals in unhappy relationships may be especially likely to worry about the disruptive impact of total honesty.
The findings resonate with the Theory of Resilience and Relational Load, which argues that supportive, validating communication builds emotional resources that help couples withstand stress. When such support is lacking, people may turn to prosocial lies as a protective strategy, even though this may undermine transparency.
Implications and limits of the research
The authors conclude that prosocial lies remain undesirable in satisfied relationships, where honesty is more strongly valued and less likely to be seen as harmful. When satisfaction drops and partners anticipate that telling the truth will hurt, they may lean toward preserving positive illusions instead of confronting difficult realities.
However, the study was cross-sectional, meaning it captured participants’ attitudes at a single point in time. As a result, the researchers cannot say whether lower satisfaction causes people to prefer lies, or whether a greater tolerance for deception gradually erodes satisfaction. Longitudinal and experimental work would be needed to establish cause and effect.
The sample also came from one cultural context, and perceptions of lying and honesty can differ across societies and age groups. Still, the study adds nuance to discussions of honesty in relationships, suggesting that a simple rule of always telling the full truth may not reflect how couples actually balance care, conflict, and emotional protection.
For practitioners working with couples, the findings underscore the importance of exploring not only what partners say to each other, but also how safe they feel in sharing unpleasant truths. While small, well-intentioned distortions may sometimes ease tension, a pattern of avoiding honesty can conceal deeper dissatisfaction that eventually demands attention.
